


Out of Step

by Lapal



Series: Dancing is a Perpendicular Expression of a Horizontal Desire [3]
Category: Holby City
Genre: #berenatbc, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:33:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26358049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lapal/pseuds/Lapal
Summary: Serena finds that being compatible in bed doesn't necessarily lead to a 'happy ever after'.
Relationships: Serena Campbell/Bernie Wolfe
Series: Dancing is a Perpendicular Expression of a Horizontal Desire [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1727959
Comments: 43
Kudos: 87
Collections: to be continued... (Berena Summer Sequel Event)





	1. Out of Step

**Author's Note:**

> Very happy to be taking part in the Berena_tbc event, and I apologise in advance for the angst and that I've had to spread it over two chapters. I'll try not to keep you waiting too long for the conclusion.

Out of Step 

(being the third part of Dancing is a Perpendicular Expression of a Horizontal Desire)

It had been just about 8 weeks since the fundraiser and the glorious weekend when Serena Campbell had confirmed what she already knew, that she was definitely not a dyed-in-the-wool heterosexual. In truth, the only thing she had known for certain before she had followed Bernie to bed, was that she enjoyed sex . She always had, ever since she had first slipped naked into her boyfriend’s arms and then just as swiftly into bed. She freely admitted (but only to herself) that this had been the overriding reason she had allowed Edward back into her life when her brain had been screaming ‘ _no’_ as loudly as it could. Edward was a bastard of the highest order, but he could also be a more than adequate lover and one who annoyingly knew just which of her buttons to press.

So the period between the very last time she had allowed him to bed her and the arrival of Ms Wolfe on the scene had been, with a few exceptions, quite a dry one.

She stifled a smile at the memory of dear, sweet Angus. His initial appeal had been because he was simply everything that Edward was not. Kind, caring and what her mother would have described as a proper gentleman. But his approach to the physical side of their relationship had been more like a tick box chart that he carried around the hospital with him when assessing the efficiency of the wards .

  1. Goodnight kisses to cheek until 3 dates had taken place. ☑️ check

  2. Kisses on lips to last for no more than 3 mins ☑️ check

  3. French kissing (use of tongues) 2 mins ☑️ check

  4. Touching breasts through clothes ☑️ check

  5. Finally make sure it’s okay to move to the bedroom, but leave partner to undress and retire to the bed in private ☑️ check




Though it wasn’t as if she had lived like a nun in the interim, and there was no denying she had enjoyed a few of her more recent sexual encounters, but there was one key ingredient that she now realised had been missing. Passion. Serena craved that, the abandonment of self to an overwhelming joy in being with someone who made you feel giddy with want. And that hunger was something she had almost given up hope of finding.

Until, glory of glories, a certain Berenice Griselda Wolfe had danced into her life and she had danced into her hotel room. Even now, two months later, that night and morning of carnal bliss and enlightenment were never far from her mind. But it was fair to say that she had begun to feel a little concerned about the lack of passion since then.

Bernie had gone about things in a very courteous way, explained she wanted to get to know Serena a little better before they revisited the intimate and sensual side of their relationship. She was already in no doubt that they were very compatible in that area of their lives. So when their days off coincided she made plans to go out together, either exploring the surrounding countryside or having a nice pub lunch somewhere. On a couple of occasions they had gone for an evening meal in a more intimate setting, and Serena had tried unsuccessfully, to invite Bernie into her home afterwards in the hope of rekindling the fire between them.

Unfortunately for Serena, this was yet to happen. On nearly every date they talked extensively about their lives prior to their meeting, about their families, friends and even their experience of marriage. Serena had learnt a little of Bernie’s time in the army, and the very worrying details of the IED that had sent her flying back to Holby, making her reconsider what her future would be. Although she had never specifically stated that it was guilt that had led to her to stay in home, Serena could see it in her face. A guilt that was resting inside her still, hating herself for how she had consistently abandoned the people that had meant the most to her, her children, Marcus and Alex.

Bernie learned that Serena struggled with guilt too, and wondered if this was a condition that plagued their generation. They had fought tooth and nail against how they were viewed by society, because as women who wanted to make it to the top in what was still a predominantly male world, had only made others regard them as less than they deserved. She had seen the pain in Serena’s eyes when she talked of her mother’s dementia, berating herself even now for not having made more effort to be part of her life before she could no longer remember that Serena was her daughter. And Edward may well have been a serial philanderer but Bernie also knew that Serena would always have that niggling doubt that if she had conformed to being a devoted wife and mother, then perhaps Edward’s ego would have found no reason to stray, even though they both knew it was a ridiculous notion. But it was because they had let their insecurities be known to each other, that Serena became hopeful that the resumption of the sexual side of their relationship would not be far away. In trying to offer reassurance and understanding their arms would wrap around each other’s waists as they walked back to the car and soft kisses would be exchanged before they climbed inside. Whoever was driving (normally Bernie) would have the right hand of the other gently resting on their thigh so that when traffic lights turned to red, they could entwine their fingers together for a few moments. Upon arriving home they would both get out of the car and one of them would be pressed against a wall or door as goodnight kisses became more intense, hands straying over curves, grasping at hips, occasional nips to necks and clavicles.

Serena therefore had been very hopeful that it wouldn’t be long before she could entice Berenice back to bed, if the gasps and sighs that she managed to elicit from her by sliding her hands underneath clothing to press against soft warm skin, were anything to go by.

But somehow, in the last couple of weeks they seemed to be moving backwards. Bernie was still as attentive as ever in lots of ways, yet Serena had the distinct impression that she was withdrawing from her, little by little. She appeared to be avoiding situations where they would be alone for too long and had taken to picking her up in a taxi so that there were no heated goodbyes. It both pained and puzzled Serena to think that Bernie was working up the courage to finish with her, for if that was really the case then why was Bernie most often the one to suggest their next meeting? Although to Serena they no longer felt like dates, more like outings with a close friends.

‘ _Is she hoping that I’ll be the one to suggest that this isn’t working out, because she’s too much of a coward to be honest with me?’_

This thought made Serena annoyed and she decided that she was damned if she would make it easy for her, constantly trying to tempt her into taking things further.

Things came to a head though, not on a date but when Bernie was asked to help out on AAU. It wasn’t long before everyone working on the ward could feel the tension that was building between them. In the late afternoon after they had both been in surgery, Bernie knocked on the open door to the office before entering. She was vaguely surprised to see Serena still in her scrubs staring into space. Serena swivelled her eyes to see Bernie standing in the doorway and gave her an exasperated look.

“Oh for pity’s sake just come in if you want to. You don’t have to knock, especially when the door is already open.”

Serena sounded tired and grumpy.

Bernie moved into the office, closed the door behind her and sat down on the spare chair facing the desk.

“Are you okay?” she asked Serena. “I know it’s been a bit hectic today but you seem a little distant and distracted.”

Serena looked at her scathingly, feeling a scream building up inside, but swallowed it back down and merely shrugged her shoulders, her eyes now fixed onto the computer screen in front of her. Bernie frowned, sensing that Serena was mad about something and felt that she might be the unwitting cause. The fact that she had to have a serious talk with Serena that needed to happen sooner rather than later was preying on her mind as well, so she ploughed ahead with what she had come to the office to say.

“I wanted to ask you if you’d like to come over to mine this evening. I thought we could get a takeaway and open a bottle of wine and have a talk.”

When Serena didn’t respond Bernie put her hands on her knees in readiness to stand up and get out of her friend’s face. She couldn’t always ‘read’ people that well but she was very aware that right now she was probably a ‘persona non grata’.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to,” she said as lightly as she could. “It’s been quite a full on day and you’re obviously tired. If not tonight then soon, yes?”

Serena was immediately pissed that Bernie thought she wasn’t as capable to cope with a busy day as she was, so she instantly reacted quite sharply.

“If I do come over for a little _chat_ can I least expect you to be honest with me? Because quite frankly I have no idea what’s going on in your head right now, other than it seems to have something to do with me..with us, and it’s not making me happy.”

Bernie was glad she was still sitting as felt as if she had been punched in the stomach and the air in her lungs escaped in a rush. She thought she had been covering up what was going on in her life right now quite well, and it came as something of a shock to realise that Serena had seen right through her. She reached out with her hand and was relieved when Serena met her half way and tangled their fingers together.

“You’re right. There is something I need to talk about that affects you, and it’s the main reason I want to see you tonight.” Bernie was having a hard time looking at Serena.

“And now I’ve probably made it worse, but I really don’t want to discuss it here, so will you come? Anytime after 7pm would be fine.”

When Serena gave a brief nod Bernie got to her feet wanting to press a brief kiss to her forehead before leaving the office, but thought better of it. Serena watched the space where she had been for a few moments feeling desperately sad. That Bernie was going to break up with her was now glaringly obvious, and in acknowledging that fact she felt her jaw stiffen and a steely glint crept into her eye.

‘ _Well Ms Wolfe, you are about to find out that I never go down without a damn good fight. Tonight I’m going to remind you of exactly what and who you’re giving up.’_

Bernie’s anxious pacing to and from the window of her flat made her thankful she was on the ground floor. If there had been anyone living below her they would have been banging on their ceiling with something and asking her what the hell she was doing. But keeping still was not an option right now, not when she was feeling so nervous. Torn between fearing that Serena might not come and equally terrified if she did was not helping her anxiety. After their brief exchange in the office she had started to think that the news she had to impart might be a bigger deal than she had imagined. When the buzzer sounded in her flat to indicate that Serena was waiting to be let in, she positively jumped, moving swiftly to press the release button and open her door.

The vision that walked towards her made any greeting she had planned disappear from her mind. Gone was the sad smile she had been witness to only a few hours before, to be replaced by glistening coral stained lips that were slightly parted, and her eyes were positively sparkling. Bernie’s eyes travelled up and down Serena’s body, taking in the low cut blouse that showed far more cleavage than was probably decent for anywhere outside of the bedroom and instead of trousers there was a hip-hugging skirt that flared provocatively as she moved, emphasising her womanly curves.

Coming to a halt at the door Serena stood there for a moment and then asked,

“Are you going to let me in?”

Bernie blinked rapidly and even managed to reply which was quite an effort.

“Of course, sorry.”

She backed away and opened the door a little wider so that Serena could get past, and then followed her into the lounge, her eyes not straying far from the swaying hips in front of her.

When Serena sank gracefully onto the sofa, Bernie managed to snap out of her trance.

“Shall I, erm..would you like a drink? Some wine?”

Serena smiled at her which almost had Bernie sinking to her knees.

“Do you really need to ask?”

Bernie shook her head and moved over to the table to pour them both a glass. As she handed one to her Serena was ready with a question of her own.

“Have you ordered anything to eat yet?”

Bernie shook her head again.

“No, I…I wanted to be sure you would turn up first and..and I wasn’t sure whether you’d prefer to talk first and then eat, or eat and then talk.”

For a moment the confidence that had been oozing out of Serena disappeared, and Bernie saw it for what it was, sheer bravado. And then a matter of seconds later the mask was back.

“Let’s eat first. I don’t want to drink too much on an empty stomach.”

Bernie picked up a selection of takeout menus and handed them to Serena.

“You choose, but nothing too much for me, thanks.”

Serena then realised that Bernie was every bit as wound up inside as she was, which actually made her heart feel a little lighter.

“In that case, how about a set menu for one from the Chinese? We can share, as I’m not exactly starving either.”

They locked eyes and in a moment of clarity they both knew that whatever Bernie had to say was going to affect them both in very similar ways. Serena reached for her phone to place the order and Bernie went into the kitchen to put a couple of plates to warm. The following thirty minutes felt odd as they attempted small talk about the ward and colleagues, which was punctuated with long protracted silences which led Serena to wish they hadn’t bothered with any food at all. The text alert that the food was on its way came as a welcome relief and Bernie sprang up, moving into the kitchen to grab the plates and cutlery needed and bringing them through to the small table in the lounge. By the time she brought in a water jug and glasses, Serena had put their wine there too, and was now at the door receiving the order. They sat down and began to eat, although Serena could see that Bernie was really only pushing stuff around on her plate.

“You look absolutely stunning you know.” Bernie suddenly blurted out. “I should have said that before, but I couldn’t quite catch my breath when I opened the door. Did you notice?”

Serena huffed and the tip of her nose turned pink.

“I did, yes. But thank you. I should have said the same to you, but then you always look so lovely to me. Perfect, even in scrubs. Apart from the hair of course.”

Serena winked and smiled to show she was teasing, and Bernie gave a short sharp incredulous laugh, which Serena couldn’t help but join in with, and for a minute or two it was how they had been that first night. However they soon both pushed their plates away and Serena, picking up her glass and the nearly empty wine bottle, moved back to the sofa. Bernie cleared away everything into the kitchen, and when she returned she was clutching a tumbler, now half full with whisky. Serena raised an eyebrow.

“Dutch courage?” she asked drily.

Bernie downed it in one go, wiping the excess moisture from her lips with the back of her hand as she put the glass down.

“Something like that,” she mumbled. She chewed worriedly at her bottom lip, conscious of Serena’s eyes on her.

“You know how much I like….well, _more_ than like you?”

Bernie had intended it as a rhetorical question, but suddenly all the emotion Serena had been repressing came bubbling to the surface.

“No, Bernie I don’t! I know you seem to enjoy my company, and that you keep asking me out on what I originally assumed were ‘dates’, but now I’m not so sure. After that Saturday night when we barely got out of bed until midday on Sunday, I thought I understood what you were trying to do. Wanting things to calm down a bit, to get to know each other better before we had a repeat performance. But instead you’ve just been pulling further and further away. And if I’m honest, I’m feeling rather lost.”

Bernie face paled as Serena let go of feelings that she had held in check for too long.

“You still appear to want me around, but I feel that I can’t get near to you. There’s a sort of invisible barrier you’ve put round yourself to stop me getting too close. So what is it? Do you want me as a friend and nothing more, or have you just been trying to pluck up the courage to end this…whatever it is?”

Serena’s fragile façade crumbled as she voiced all her fears and she couldn’t stop a few tears spilling from her eyes which she brushed angrily away. Bernie sat down suddenly next to her and tried to wrap an arm around Serena’s shoulder, even as Serena tried just as hard to pull away, but this time Bernie didn’t give up. She suddenly felt the fight go out of Serena and she was able to wrap her other arm around her as well, holding her close until she thought it was safe to try and explain.

“I’m sorry I’ve made such a mess of this. I’ve been so wrapped up in what I thought was just _my_ problem that I can’t believe I didn’t notice how my behaviour was affecting you. It certainly proves what I’ve always thought, that I manage to cock up any relationship. Perhaps something I should have warned you at the start.”

She rubbed her hand over her face and through her hair as Serena silently watched her.

“You’re right about my trying to put some distance between us, and I can’t say right now whether it was for your benefit or mine. I tried to tell myself that it was for your sake, because I didn’t want to hurt you, but every time I thought about not making arrangements to see you outside of work I…I found I didn’t want to.”

She knew she was rambling and that there wasn’t really any way to deal with it but to tell Serena straight out. She took a ragged breath and closed her eyes.

“I’ve been approached by my old commanding officer from the RAMC, Lieutenant Colonel Adams. He’s asked me to return to active service for one more tour of duty. Mainly as a trainer and mentor for new doctors but also to oversee the setting up of a new trauma facility. It’s taken me longer to come to a decision than I’d imagined…..and that’s because of you Serena.”

When she opened her eyes she saw that Serena was still looking at her but apart from a slightly furrowed brow her face was blank. Feeling shocked Serena managed a brief sentence.

“You’re leaving?”

Serena couldn’t get past that fact. She had a million questions but that was the only one that she could put into words.

Bernie now saw the hurt in Serena’s eyes and it made her feel as if she were the worst person in the whole world. Not wanting to stretch this out any longer she nodded.

“In two weeks, yes.”

Serena’s hand flew to her throat, a gesture that Bernie had come to recognise as what she instinctively did when she was agitated or upset.

“Where?”

Serena wanted all the answers to her unspoken questions at once but had grown to understand that Bernie only imparted information on a strictly ‘need to know’ basis and that if she overwhelmed her she would simply retreat into her shell.

Bernie steeled herself. This was going to be difficult.

“I’ll be in the U.K. for the first two weeks, working in a trauma facility and making sure I’m physically fit for duty but…after that I’m heading to Africa, to the capital of Somalia, Mogadishu.”

The fear that enveloped Serena’s heart at those words made her feel sick and she finally let go of everything in her need to understand.

“But in god’s name why Bernie? I thought you retired or resigned after your accident, so why are you going back? I thought… I thought you were finding your feet here at last.” Serena voice wobbled as she finally asked the question that had been eating away at her for quite a while.

“Don’t I mean _anything_ to you?”

Bernie grabbed at Serena’s hands and pulled sharply so that Serena would meet her eyes.

“Good god, you’re the _only_ reason this decision has been so hard Serena, please believe that. I’ve spent so much time trying to persuade myself that I shouldn’t go, because the thought of leaving you behind is tearing me apart.”

She saw a single tear escape from the corner of Serena’s eye and she gently wiped it away with the ball of her thumb.

“I hope that you can forgive me when I say that I _have_ to go. When I resigned, I’d just been offered another ten years commission, but my injuries and the duty I felt in trying to make one last ditch attempt to save my marriage overrode the duty I had for my unit. So I suppose I’ve always felt that I had unfinished business there.”

She felt Serena lean into the hand that was still cupping her face and more tears were falling.

“Well,” Serena’s voice was thick with emotion. “That certainly seems to put me in my place. I’m just sorry I wasn’t enough.”

“No!”

Bernie knew she wasn’t saying things in the right way.

“Serena, that’s not what I said. I want you to understand that I have to do this now because if I don’t, I’m not sure I’d be _able_ to leave you. I feel I owe the army this one last call to serve and help people who are in need. Someone once said to me long ago that you can take the girl out of the army, but you can’t take the army out of the girl. And it wasn’t until my accident that I began to feel the truth of those words. But, and I’m sorry that I’m going to say this, because it is so selfish…. I want, I hope…that you can tell me that you understand. That it’s okay.”

Serena’s emotions were all over the place. She was aware that Bernie was saying in a very roundabout way that she was important to her, and that should have been such a happy moment but it wasn’t. And more than anything she was scared.

“I’m not up with all those areas in the world where it’s not safe to be at the moment, but I’m pretty sure that Mogadishu is damn near the top. And..and how can I be certain that after this there won’t be another reason to go, and then another?”

Bernie leant forwards and said as earnestly as she could.

“Because I promise I won’t do this to you a second time, if you’re prepared to wait for me.”

Then she answered a second, unasked question.

“I wish I could promise that I’ll be fine and that nothing will happen, but you know that I can’t do that. All I can give you is my word that I will do everything I can to get back here in one piece.”

Serena nodded slowly.

“How much longer do I have you for?”

Bernie looked sad as she told Serena that in five days she would be spending two weeks at the army trauma unit QE hospital in Birmingham whilst also attending fitness training to prepare her once again for life on the front line. Serena was devastated it was so soon, but she tried very hard to not show it. The last thing she wanted was for Bernie to disappear from her life thinking that there was no reason to want to come home. She stood up abruptly, nearly knocking Bernie off balance.

“You’re going?” Bernie asked, feeling crushed.

Serena pulled Bernie to her feet and into a quick but warm embrace.

“No…at least I hope not, not yet.”

She pulled back far enough to press a tender kiss to Bernie’s lips.

“I can’t…I won’t tell you that it’s fine for you to go, even though I'm trying to understand. If I thought it would serve any purpose I’d never let you out of my sight. But I do know that there’s very little if anything, I could say to make you change your mind, so I want to give you the best reason to come back here.. to me.”

Serena kissed her again, this time with all the passion and longing she had been keeping pent up inside her for the last few weeks. When they finally broke apart to take in some much needed oxygen, Serena whispered softly into Bernie’s ear.

“Take me to your bed Berenice. Now.”


	2. Remembering the Steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernie leaves, but by the time she returns, events have changed her. Serena is scared that they'll never manage to get back in step again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is far more angst-ridden than I intended when I started the tbc event, and has obviously taken me much longer than I intended to get past it.
> 
> I apologise in advance for any inaccuracies when writing about army protocol or procedures. I've tried to research as much as possible, but I have no idea if 'last letters' are still a thing in this technological world. But it suited my narrative, so it's happened here.

Chapter 2 : Remembering the Steps

Bernie searched Serena’s face needing to be certain that she understood, that Serena was sure, and opened her mouth to ask, but found that this incredible woman was already one step ahead of her.

“Yes, I’m sure,” Serena said, amazing herself at how readily she could smile when her heart felt as if it was breaking. She pushed away the soft blond waves that were shrouding Bernie’s troubled eyes.

“I want you, and I need this closeness to remember when you’re thousands of miles away. I still don’t want you to go, but I would never pressure you to stay, even if I thought I could. To say I understand is perhaps a step too far, but I can see how important it is for you…..so if it’s what you have to do then do it, but make sure you come back. Back to me.”

Serena’s voice held steady, even though she could feel a dampness on her cheeks which must mean there were tears falling. Bernie found herself fighting to breathe normally, the tightness in her chest probably due to the fact that her heart was trying to expand past her rib cage. Silently she took Serena’s hand in her own, pressed a kiss to the back of it and led her into her bedroom. There was just a moment of awkwardness and then they were kissing, pulling gently at clothing, garments soon dropping to the floor. Finally lying naked on the bed Serena felt as if Bernie was taking snapshots of every inch of her as she hovered above. Pictures that she would paste together many times over the months they would be apart, recalling how Serena looked as she orgasmed at her hands. Serena was also focusing on how Bernie squirmed and gasped with every touch she made as she stroked and kissed, so that she could summon forth the memory of a groan or moan of ecstasy when she needed to pretend she wasn’t alone in her bed.

They didn’t hurry, perhaps in the hope that this night would seem endless, neither wanting to accept that tomorrow they would get up and get on with their lives, trying not to imagine the day very soon in coming when there would be no one to reach out to and physically hold.

Waking the next morning their limbs still touching was a bittersweet moment for them both. They pulled each other into a warm embrace, and then reluctantly got up and dressed before the temptation to stay in each other’s arms became too much. Bernie was surprised to see Serena pull one of her work blouses out of the bag she had brought with her yesterday, along with fresh underclothes.

“Looks as if you came prepared,” she observed drily. “I didn’t stand a chance, did I?”

Serena gave her famous eye roll with a smirk playing across her lips.

“You don’t have to have been in the army to have a plan of action Major,” she said, and then her face dropped as the reality of the situation kicked home. “I thought you were going to leave me…”

Bernie crossed the room swiftly and gathered Serena into her arms.

“Never like that Serena, never how you imagined. If you really need me I’ll be back here in a trice, I promise. I don’t want us to fall apart.”

They held onto each other tightly for a few moments until Serena placed a small kiss to the base of Bernie’s throat and pushed away from her, her eyes wet but her face smiling.

“I know.”

It wasn’t long before they were both climbing into their respective cars, having made plans to meet up for lunch in the Peace Garden if they were both free at the same time.

The next few days passed all too swiftly, and word had got around that Bernie was leaving. Her friends and colleagues on Keller had wanted to arrange a get together in Albie’s on her last day but she had tactfully declined, saying that the early start she needed the following day would mean she wouldn’t be good company. She did however leave a hefty tab at the bar so that if they wished they could go and drink her health.

She wanted to spend the time she had left in Serena’s company alone, and to that end she had booked a table at an intimate ‘out of town’ bistro where they could hold hands and gaze at each other without fear (she hoped) of bumping into someone they knew. Tonight was going to be painful enough without finding themselves interrupted by a well meaning colleague, which would mean trying to hide the tidal wave of emotions that were threatening to engulf them both.

A few hours later Bernie had Serena pressed flat against the wall by her front door, kissing her with all the longing and yes, _love,_ that she had for her. Even if it was something she wasn’t about to say out loud, thinking that the night before you were about to disappear for six months was scarcely the right time to declare your undying devotion to the woman in your arms. She reluctantly took a step back and looking at Serena’s kiss swollen lips she had half a mind to take a photo of her in such a wild, ravaged state. The thought made her smile and Serena didn’t miss it.

“Penny for them?” she said breathlessly, trying to put off the moment when Bernie would get back into her car and drive away. They had already discussed (and Serena had finally agreed) that there would be no last frantic lovemaking tonight. Bernie had tried to make Serena understand that tomorrow was going to be hard enough without the extra pain of getting out of a bed where Serena was still lying. And this time Serena did understand, didn’t want to make it any harder for the woman who had turned her life upside down, even if she was buggering off to what felt like the other side of the world.

Bernie’s hand stroked gently through Serena’s hair.

“I hope that you know what I’m thinking,” she said huskily, “but in case you’re in any doubt I’ll say it out loud. I’m thinking I must be an idiot to still be going. I’m thinking that I’ve been happier over these past few months than I’ve been for a long..long time. And that I’m truly sorry that I’m putting you through all of this.”

She kissed Serena again, willing her to know how much she meant to her. When their lips parted Serena took a ragged breath, determined that Bernie’s last memory of her would not be of a blubbering idiot.

“I know it won’t be easy, but try and let me know whenever you can, that you’re okay.” Serena was working hard to keep her voice light. “And just so you know, I’ll be making you feel embarrassed with the amount of letters and emails I’m going to send you. Your colleagues will think you have a stalker.”

They nuzzled into one another, noses rubbing together as they both fought to stay in control, and with one final soft kiss Serena turned abruptly in Bernie’s arms to open her door and slip inside, closing it without so much as a backward glance. She stumbled to the stairs to sit down as she allowed her tears to silently fall, and head in hands she listened intently until she heard Bernie’s car pull away. Satisfied that there was no longer any chance of Bernie hearing her she howled as sobs wracked her body.

The following two weeks was odd for both of them, because in terms of distance they were still close, so the agony they had both felt at parting faded slightly. Serena in particular had been surprised at how normal it had felt to walk back onto AAU and get on with her everyday life which, apart from the absence of a certain blonde, had a routine she could lose herself in. She couldn’t deny to herself that her heart still ached, or that whenever someone opened the door to her office there was a moment when she imagined it was Bernie, but all in all she found she was coping a lot better than she would have thought.

Bernie, in contrast, was finding everything so different to her life in Holby she had barely had time to think straight since arriving in Birmingham. Her days were filled with treating soldiers and occasionally civilians that had been flown in by helicopter, mostly in need of immediate trauma surgery. Any time she wasn’t in theatre was spent in meetings bringing her up to date with the political unrest in Somalia, and how the army presence there was viewed by most of the local population. She also had to try and up her fitness levels, but for the time being this was confined to running up the many flights of stairs in the hospital and the occasional gym visit to improve her stamina. She found herself feeling quite resentful that all her physical training these days had to take into account the injury to her spine from the IED. She still tried to find a few minutes in every day to keep Serena informed as to how things were going, even if it was only a short text asking how she was coping.

All too soon the day before she was due to leave the country rolled around and Bernie found herself sitting in the accommodation she had been allocated, staring at the phone in her hands. She had promised Serena she would speak to her properly today and she was gearing herself up to doing just that. Not because she didn’t want to, god she couldn’t wait to hear Serena’s smooth velvety voice, but she had something to tell her something that she knew Serena would find it hard to hear right now, but it was important to Bernie that she knew, that she understood. She only hoped that Serena could see it in the positive way she intended, so not giving herself anymore time to overthink it she pressed the call button alongside Serena’s name. It only rang once before she heard a breathless “Bernie” from the other end and she knew that Serena must have been sitting clutching her phone just as she had. There were a few minutes of friendly banter, but the reality of the situation gradually exerted its presence and the general chit-chat faded away leaving a heavy silence. It was Serena who was the first to break it.

“Thanks for keeping me up-to-date these past two weeks, it meant a lot to me and I know I’ve already asked this and I know you can’t promise anything but please..please keep in touch when you can.”

The uncertainty and fear in Serena’s voice made tears spring into Bernie’s eyes and she bit her lip in an effort to stop them falling.

“Of course I will,” she said fiercely, “and I want the same promise from you. It doesn’t matter what time it is, just let me know how you are and fill me in with all the gossip going around Holby. Might help to keep me sane.”

Serena gave a small chuckle, knowing full well that Bernie was the last person on earth to be interested in the rumour mill, but understood that she might need the more ridiculous stories of life in the NHS to offset the uncertainty of her own situation.

“Will do.”

Bernie decided that now was as good a time as any to tell Serena about the plans she had made.

“I need to tell you something, in case anything…happens.”

Serena froze, dreading that Bernie was about to declare her love for her down a phone hours before she was due to leave the country. She started to protest but Bernie cut her off.

“Please….please just listen, okay?” She hesitated a moment to make sure Serena wasn’t going to interrupt again.

“I’m not sure if I ever told you but when you’re being deployed, especially to a hot spot, you’re asked if you want to write a letter to….to say things to the people you’ve left behind..just in case you don’t come back.”

There was a sharp intake of breath from the other end of the phone, and gritting her teeth Bernie continued.

“They still had a record of the ones I’d written to Cam and Charlie from my last tour of duty so I simply updated them. I also left a brief one for Marcus so he could help them through it, but there was something more important I needed to do. Firstly I want you to know there’s a letter for you too, and I went to speak with my commanding officer and asked him…no, I told him that if anything did happen you _had_ to be told at the same time as my children. And so that there could be no misunderstandings I told him that you were to be treated with the same level of respect and compassion as a wife or partner.”

The silence from Serena lasted too long and Bernie started to panic.

“Serena, I’m sorry to tell you like this and I’m going to be fine so there’s no reason to be angry or upset, it’s just I…. I had to do this, for me as much as you.”

Serena was having trouble breathing her mind filled with an image of a soldier walking down the hospital corridor towards AAU or knocking at her front door. But underneath that dreadful fear, the fact that Bernie had informed the army they should treat her as her _partner,_ made her heart skip a beat.

“Thank you,” she whispered. “I’m not sure what to say and part of me is mad at you, but..that really means a lot.”

Bernie was sure she heard a muffled sob and her gut twisted.

“Hey, I’ll be back before you know it. I’ll do my best to keep in touch, but don’t panic if you don’t hear from me when you expect to. You..you mean a lot to me, so I promise I have every intention and reason to stay safe.”

Smothering her fears and blinking rapidly to disperse the tears that were threatening Serena cleared her throat and did her best to lighten the mood.

“Good, because I will be very much in need of an ‘action woman’ by the time you get back, if you understand my meaning.”

Bernie snorted with laughter at that, and before they could sink back into despondency they quickly said their goodbyes so they could cry alone.

Serena was very pleased to receive a fairly lengthy email just three days after Bernie arrived in Mogadishu with photos of her basic, but not awful, living quarters, and a few shots of the site of the soon to be Trauma unit, as well as the hospital where she would be working and training both military and civilian doctors in trauma techniques. She’d had to be very careful about taking those because security was extremely high, and she all but begged Serena not to show them to anyone else. Which made Serena so paranoid she deleted them immediately after committing them to memory.

The days and weeks that followed passed faster than either of them had anticipated, but the feeling of loneliness was not receding. Bernie was trying as best she could to stay in touch but some days it hurt too much to recall how far away they were and so she deliberately avoided anything that would magnify that, even though she knew it wouldn’t help Serena. She had to admit to herself that this whole separation was harder than she had imagined and in trying to find her way through, it sometimes meant blocking the rest of the world out was the only way she could cope. But limiting exposure to people who make you feel things isn’t always the best, and after one particularly rough day she found herself calling Serena’s number, hoping against hope that the signal was good enough and she was free to answer.

Serena had just finished her second glass of Shiraz and was considering that an early night might be in order, if only to reduce the certainty that she would drink the whole bottle if she sat there for much longer, when her mobile rang. Glancing at the caller ID made her pause before answering, her heart in her mouth. Contact from Bernie had been patchy of late and she couldn’t recall the last time they had actually spoken to each other. So it was with a small degree of trepidation that she answered.

“Bernie, is that you?”

Her voice sounded calm to her ears which amazed her, given that the phone in her hands was shaking. There was no immediate reply other than a long exhale of breath, and she was just about to speak again when she heard Bernie speak, her voice sounding every bit as far away as she was, and very tired.

“Yes, it is. Sorry…I’m sorry I didn’t give you warning of this….I..I just needed to hear a friendly voice, you know?”

Serena could hear the emotion underneath the tiredness, and murmured softly that it was fine and was anything wrong?

The care and warmth in Serena’s words opened a floodgate and it all came tumbling out of Bernie as she told her how she had been in theatre for over four hours, fighting to save the leg of a patient who had been dumped in front of the hospital from a moving vehicle. The fact that she hadn’t succeeded was bad enough, but her next words chilled Serena as she realised how life over there really was, and this was what Bernie had to face nearly every day.

“One of the nurses managed to communicate with him before he was rushed into theatre.” There was a hitch before she could continue. “He told her his name is Taban and he’s 14 years old. Fourteen Serena! He’d been dropped there by the insurgents who had been training him to protect some of their leaders. Seems they were showing a group of youngsters how to recognise roadside IED’s when one exploded near him, causing his injuries. And all I could think about was that in another life it could have been Cam.”

This time there was an audible sob and Serena reacted instinctively.

“Stop it!” she said sharply to try and get past the anguish and despair she could hear enveloping Bernie right now.

“You can’t think like that, you know you can’t. You saved his _life_ Bernie. And at least the men felt he was worth the risk to bring him to the hospital. If you hadn’t been there to operate he might not have survived.”

There was a snuffling sound as Bernie tried to control her anguish.

“But what have saved him for? The dangers are all around here, and even if he’s not been radicalised he’ll still probably try and get back to them as soon as he can, possibly doesn’t have another option. And if _they_ don’t want him what sort of life will he have? It just seems so pointless.”

“You can’t know that,” Serena said soothingly. “Perhaps the care he will receive at the hospital will help him see things differently. There are others there I’m sure whose task it is to patch up their minds and lives, but they can only try do that once you’ve repaired their bodies. You can’t be responsible for everything and everyone, my darling.” She paused for a moment as she listened to Bernie properly cry. “I’m so proud of you.”

As she let all of the pent up stress and emotion out of her body, Bernie was struck by the realisation that she could never have opened up to Marcus like this. She’d had a similar breakdown when she'd put her children to bed on the first night home on leave, and his only remark had been to say that if she felt that upset then maybe it was time to leave the army. Serena was a woman she had known for barely six months who seemed to have understood her state of mind immediately, and had offered not one word of recrimination.

“Thank you,” she said softly. “I can’t tell you how much I’m looking forward to coming home, so I can hold you again.”

They shared a few tears then and when the call ended, Serena felt calmer than she had done for quite a while. It had meant a lot to be able to help even though they were so far apart, and had meant even more to hear that Bernie was still wanting to come back to Holby, back to her.

There was still about 2 weeks before Bernie was due to fly home and Serena was just out of theatre after a straightforward elective procedure, when nurse Jackson interrupted her as she was scrubbing out.

“Ms Campbell? Mr Hanssen asked me to tell you he wants to see you in his office immediately.”

Serena frowned.

“What on earth is the matter now,” she muttered to herself. Realising Donna was waiting for an answer she waived a hand dismissively. “Yes, fine. I just have to get changed and then write up the notes on Miss Spencer. Let him know I’ll be there in thirty minutes or so.”

Donna pulled a face and gritted her teeth.

“I got the impression he wants you there _now_ if not before,” she said nervously. “Even said if you seemed reluctant I was to let him know and…and he’d have security escort you up…”

Her voice tailed off as Serena rounded on her, eyes blazing.

“What the _hell_ does he think he’s playing at?” she spat out, and then caught herself before she went too far.

“Well, I’m not going up there in scrubs, so he’s just going to have to wait until I’m changed. I don’t care how important it is.”

Donna fled back to the ward to ring Mr Hanssen and inform him of Serena’s response, and then pondered her bad luck at being the nurse in charge today.

When Serena came out of the locker room she was startled to see Hanssen waiting for her by the lift outside AAU.

“Good grief Henrick, I said I’d come as quickly as possible and I am.” She paused as a reason for his hovering came into her mind. “Please don’t tell me someone has made a complaint against me?”

He looked sideways at her, a slight furrow on his forehead.

“Why, are you expecting there to be?”

He checked himself quickly before Serena’s blood started boiling.

“Of course not Ms Campbell. This is just something I didn’t feel could wait and I didn’t want you to get distracted by anything if you returned to the ward first.”

By the time she was following him into his office, Serena had begun to feel anxious. He hadn’t said a word on the way up here, and he now merely indicated to a chair for her to sit. He unnerved her even more by choosing to sit next to her as he opened his laptop, and after a few taps on the keyboard he reached for her hand before swinging it round to face her.

“I want to let you know that there is nothing to indicate that Ms Wolfe is caught up in this, but I wanted you to understand the situation somewhere quiet and away from other eyes, and before someone on the ward inadvertently brought it to your attention.”

Serena slowly turned towards the screen and stared blankly at the pictures that were streaming live from the Sky News channel. As the words began to sink in, the bombing of 2 or 3 sites in Mogadishu one of which was a hospital, Serena began to feel panic flooding her.

“Oh my god,” she whispered, “I need my bag, I have to get my bag.”

She started to rise up out of her seat, but Hanssen pressed her back down into the chair with one hand as he passed her handbag over with the other.”

“I arranged for nurse Jackson to bring it up here as soon as I was aware of what was happening. I’ve checked that your phone is inside, which I assume is what you need.”

Serena nodded as she fumbled to get it out of the bag. A very cursory glance told her that there were no recent texts, calls or messages.

“As I said,” Henrick continued, “we have no reason to think that Ms Wolfe has been involved but I wanted to minimise the shock for you as much as I can.”

Serena’s eyes turned back towards the screen, her hands clutching the phone tightly. Seeing how pale she had become Hanssen put his head around the door of his office and asked his assistant to get a very sweet tea and a glass of water for Ms Campbell. He returned and sat next to Serena again.

“Would you like to be left alone, or is there anyone I could ask to sit with you for a while?”

Serena shook her head.

“No, I’m fine. I just need to be where she can reach me if she…” her voice gave out for a second. “I’d like to stay here for a while if that’s alright with you?”

Her eyes flicked momentarily from the laptop to Hanssen’s face and he nodded gravely.

“Of course. I will go down to AAU and hold the fort there for a while. Stay here as long as you like. Carol will be coming in shortly with some tea and water for you. Just let her know if you require anything at all. We are all hoping for the best outcome here Serena.”

As she focused once again on the reports still coming in she muttered her thanks while repeating in her head..

“ _She’s fine, I know she’s fine…she has to be.”_

The next few hours passed in a blur, and she clung to her phone as if it were a lifebelt, alternating between wishing it would ring and praying that it wouldn’t. The rest of the time her eyes were searching the news footage in the ridiculous hope of spotting that soft blonde mop of hair and those long legs striding across the screen. In her more rational moments she knew that if Bernie was alright then she would be doing what she had gone out there to do, which meant being in an operating theatre saving lives.

It was around 3pm when she closed down the laptop and did a few circuits of the room, finally coming to a standstill at the window. As she looked down on the car park she conjured up an image of Bernie pulling into her space, getting out and walking confidently through the main doors of Wyvern Wing. Stifling a sob she decided she needed to be back on her ward, needed to surround herself with the ordinary tasks that made up her day. Thought it might be the only way she would get through this constant state of high anxiety.

Raf looked up in surprise as she walked through the doors of AAU, and followed her into the office.

“Serena?” His soft Scottish drawl always seemed more pronounced when he was concerned. “Are you sure you want to be here? Mr Hanssen gave us to believe that you’d not be back at all today.”

“Yes..well…he may be right, but I think I need to be doing normal things if I want to stop my imagination running riot. Where is he anyway?”

“He’s been called up to Keller to deal with an awkward situation, he shouldn’t be too long.”

Serena sat down and switched on her computer, going straight to her emails so she wasn’t tempted to look at anything else. Raf hovered near the door uncertain about how to proceed.

“I don’t suppose you’ve….” His voice petered out as Serena looked sternly at him.

“Heard anything? No, rien, nada, not a dickie-bird. And before you say it I know that’s probably a good thing but right now it doesn’t feel like it.” She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.

“I’m okay Raf, so you don’t need to hang around because you think I might break in half if someone says the wrong thing. I’ve come down here because I need to see life carrying on, need to hear people talking and laughing and crying. But I don’t think it’s a good idea that I deal with patients unless it’s an emergency. Let everyone know if they need me for anything they know where to find me.”

For the best part of an hour Serena dealt with some of the queries that had arrived in her inbox, and reviewed a few patients charts when Donna approached her about some medication issues. She was just walking back from the nurses station when she heard her phone ringing in the office and cursed the decision that had made her leave it there knowing she wouldn’t be away for more than a couple of minutes. Crashing through the door she grabbed wildly at it, so desperate not to miss the call that she didn’t check who the caller was.

“Hello?” Serena shouted into the phone unable to control her voice. “Hello?”

There was a short delay and then a male voice replied.

“Is that Ms Campbell? Serena Campbell?”

Serena thought she may have stopped breathing as she sank onto her chair and forced some air into her lungs.

“Yes, yes it is. Who is this please?”

She grasped the side of her chair as she waited for an answer.

“My name is Captain Phillips, and I’ve been working alongside Major Wolfe for the last two months…”

“Please, I need to know. Is she hurt? Is that why you’re ringing, or is….”

Serena couldn’t finish the rest of question, could feel a buzzing in her ears and wasn’t sure if it was the connection or if she was about to pass out.

“Ms Campbell, if you’ll just let me finish. She asked me to phone you because she knew you would be worried. Physically she’s okay, apart from a few cuts and bruises due to being caught by flying debris. She’s still in theatre doing her best for the constant stream of casualties that are being brought in.”

“Oh thank god!” Serena pushed her fist against her mouth to stop the scream of relief that was bubbling up inside her.

“I know that she is hoping to ring you herself once she is finished, but currently has no idea when that will be. And if I’m honest I don’t think she will be in any fit state to do that given the trauma we have all gone through. But I also have to ring her children too, so please excuse me from ending this call now as I need to get back to work as soon as I can.”

“Of course, thank you so much. Please…please tell her I’m glad she’s safe and…I can’t wait to see her again.”

There was so much more she wanted to say, but knew that it wouldn’t be appropriate, and as the Captain hung up she put her head on her arms on the desk and thanked a god she didn’t believe for keeping Bernie safe.

It was a lot sooner than she thought that she found herself waiting at Holby city airport for Bernie’s flight back to the UK. Two days after the call from Captain Phillips, she had received another call from Colonel Adams, explaining that they were sending Major Wolfe back early with a full and honourable discharge. He went on to explain that although she wasn’t physically injured he was very concerned about her state of mind and considered that it would not benefit the army or her to hold her to the last few days of her commission. He also told her that Bernie had not wanted to leave before her tour was supposed to finish, so she could expect that her demeanour might be a little volatile, and to that end provided her with details of psychologist who specialises in PTSD and was approved by the army.

Her nerves were jangling as she spotted Bernie walking through the ‘nothing to declare’ channel towards her. Had to catch her breath at the sight of her wearing army fatigues, a kitbag over her shoulder but was concerned at how defeated her whole stance seemed. Then Bernie caught sight of Serena and a soft smile spread over her face and in next to no time they were embracing, Bernie’s arms gripping her tightly.

“Welcome home,” Serena whispered in her ear, and pulling away Bernie nodded as she blinked away tears, unable to speak. Taking her hand Serena pulled her towards the exit, asking if she wanted to come back to hers for a bit, and received another nod as an answer. In the taxi there was still silence although Bernie did reach out to hold Serena’s hand almost as soon as it pulled away. Serena wanted to say so many things but not knowing what might trigger an avalanche of emotions, she chose to wait until they were safely alone. When she closed the front door behind them she found herself pulled back into a fierce hug and finally Bernie found her voice.

“I missed you so much,” she said quietly. “ _So_ much.” She relaxed her hold and Serena pushed some of the hair out of her eyes and pressed a quick kiss to her forehead.

“Cup of tea?”

“I’d rather have a decent cup of coffee,” Bernie replied as she followed Serena into the kitchen. Once they had a drink each they sat at the small kitchen table, and Serena decided that now was as good as any to discuss what might happen next.

“So do you have any plans of how things go from here? I assume you need to meet up with Cameron and Charlotte, is that on the cards for today, or did you want to leave it for another day?”

“Definitely not today. I texted them while I was waiting to get off the plane to say I was safely home, and that I’d give them a ring to arrange a meeting.”

She gave a wry smile.

“They weren’t too impressed when they rang after the bombings, especially Charlie. Accused me of not loving them enough and how could I put them through all of that…again.”

She stared into space for a few moments, and Serena felt both relieved _and_ guilty that she’d decided not to phone when it became clear that Bernie wasn’t going to ring her.

“And it _was_ wrong of me, I can see that now. I was being selfish, wanting to prove to myself and to the army that I was still good enough, that I still had something to offer….” She looked at Serena with sorrowful eyes

“I really hope _you_ can forgive me.”

Serena rose out of her seat and leaned across the table to kiss her cheek.

“Nothing to forgive my darling. They approached you, not the other way around. Maybe I still don’t fully understand, but all that concerns me now is that you’re back safely.”

She would never divulge the stages of anger she had gone through when she had been sitting in Hanssen’s office feeling so impotent, knowing there was nothing she could do to help. But that wasn’t the case now, she needed Bernie to understand she was there for her, no matter what.

“Let’s go and sit somewhere more comfortable shall we, to work out what you want to do?”

Bernie got up without a word and followed her into the lounge. Serena was feeling anxious because she had never really seen Bernie so lifeless, even her voice sounded flat and without expression. She guessed it was her way of coping, she had never been one to wear her heart on her sleeve.

“Do you know when the rest of your luggage is arriving? I assume it will need to be collected, or will the army deliver it to your home?”

Bernie shrugged her shoulders and told Serena she hadn’t made any arrangements yet, there was nothing she couldn’t manage without, for at least a week.

“In that case would you like to have a meal here with me, before I run you home? And don’t say you don’t want to be a bother because I the only bother it will cause is picking up the phone.”

Bernie actually smiled at that and said that would be nice, although she wasn’t very hungry and only if Serena didn’t mind her hanging around for a bit longer. They passed the next couple of hours in what amounted to long silences with the occasional few words, mainly supplied by Serena. What was hurting Serena the most right now was that apart from the couple of hugs they had shared and the brief kiss she had given to her earlier, Bernie had not made any move to respond in any way that you might be with a friend and she was at a loss as to how to deal with that, given their relationship prior to her leaving. The temptation to grab her and kiss her passionately to show her just how much she wanted her was very strong, but she fought against it. After they had eaten, and Bernie had eaten very little in Serena’s opinion, she asked her to let her know when she was ready to go home. Bernie’s head snapped up sharply and the blank look in her eyes had disappeared, to be replaced with one of fear. Bernie’s breathing became very shallow and fast and Serena knew she was heading towards a full blown panic attack. She scooted closer to her and stroked her hand up and down Bernie’s spine in an effort to soothe her.

“It’s fine, I’m here. Just breathe in and out with me okay?” And Serena started to exaggerate each in and out breath she took in the hope that Bernie would mirror her actions, which she gradually did. As she calmed down Bernie slumped against Serena who continued to hold her in her arms and finally Bernie spoke of her own accord, not just in response to a question.

“I….I don’t suppose I could stay here for a day or two, could I? I mean, I know you’ll probably have to go into work at some point but…I’m not very good at being on my own right now, especially at night.”

Serena could have wept with joy to hear Bernie admit that she was struggling with things. She suspected that appearing vulnerable was normally a big fat no for her. She gave her a small squeeze.

“Of course you can, as long as you like. And don’t worry about work. I’d already arranged to have a weeks annual leave because I wasn’t sure what plans you had, and I wanted to be around to help you with things if I could. The bed in the spare room is all ready made up…or if you wanted, I’d be happy to share my bed with you.”

Bernie lifted her head to look at Serena, her brow still furrowed with anxiety.

“Are you sure? I mean the spare room will probably be fine..but it….it might help, to have someone near.” She took another deep steadying breath.

“As long as you don’t expect…I probably won’t want to..you know.”

Serena nudged Bernie’s shoulder and grinned, trying to make light of it.

“Even though I tell you constantly that I find you incredibly sexy, I have just about coped without that side of our relationship for six months. The thought of you lying next to me is good enough…for now." She huffed. "I’ve really missed having someone to share my bed with.”

Very slowly she moved forward to press a chaste kiss to Bernie’s mouth. When she pulled away she could see Bernie’s eyes were looking watery again and made the decision that an early night was in order.

“Why don’t you take yourself and your kitbag upstairs and run yourself a bath whilst I tidy things away and lock up down here. There are plenty of towels in the bathroom, and simply get into bed when you’re ready, I won’t be long. Do you want me to bring you anything else to eat or drink?”

Bernie gave her a small smile.

“Just a glass of water.”

Serena stood up and went into the kitchen when she heard Bernie calling her from the hall and she hurried back to her.

“What?” she asked, worried that Bernie had changed her mind about staying.

“Can you remind me again which side of the bed you sleep on?”

Serena stood there open-mouthed as she tried to come up with a reply that wouldn’t upset Bernie, shocked that she had forgotten. And in that split second she saw the hint of smirk on Bernie’s face and she knew she was being teased.

“Oh you…” rolling her eyes she walked back into the kitchen, finding comfort that Bernie had allowed some of the old Bernie to peek through. The tension that had been running through her body ever since she had got out of bed that morning released a couple of notches and she let the air out of her lungs with a small whoosh.

By the time she got to the bedroom, Bernie was in bed and curled into a small ball, facing away from her. She placed the water on the bedside table closest and noticed that her eyes were open.

“Won’t be too long,” she whispered, and picking up her nightclothes she nipped into the en-suite trying to be as quick as she could. When she slid into bed she felt Bernie shift slightly and wondered about curling up to her to act as a big spoon but decided against it in case it made her feel uncomfortable given what she had said earlier. Instead she put a hand gently onto Bernie’s shoulder and murmured “Night” and then started to move her hand away. Quick as a flash Bernie’s hand shot up to cover it, anchoring it in place and Serena felt another wave of relief wash over her as their fingers entwined. She waited until she could hear Bernie’s breathing become slow and regular before she allowed herself to surrender to sleep.

When Bernie roused early the next day, there was a split second when she forgot about the last six months as she felt the comforting warmth of Serena’s body next to her. But as the events of the last few weeks crowded back in she needed to get up, move around to lessen the rising panic that had become a daily battle she had to fight. She slipped out of bed as stealthily as she could and headed for the bathroom and then down to the kitchen to make a pot of tea. She decided to take a mug up for Serena as well, in spite of having left her asleep. She felt that probing questions were on the cards for her at some point today, had been amazed that Serena had managed not to ask any yesterday. And she certainly believed that Serena was entitled to some answers, especially as she’d not been able to find the strength to speak to her directly since she had asked Captain Phillips to let her know she was okay. Walking into the bedroom she noticed her hands were trembling and she put down Serena’s mug with slightly less control than intended, the noise making Serena stir.

“Sorry,” she said with a grimace as she walked around the bed to slide back in. “I didn’t mean to startle you awake.”

Serena mumbled something that might have been good morning, and then managed to push herself up the bed until she was sitting fairly upright and leaning against the headboard like Bernie. They drank their tea in silence, both mulling over in their heads what the day might bring. Serena was aching to tell Bernie how much she loved her but felt that she was so fragile that any emotional outpourings might shatter the thinly veiled shell she had built around herself. When she’d held back from saying how much she loved her on the night Bernie had left, she had never imagined that she would still be pushing it deep inside on her return. Bernie too was struggling with not letting her defences down, was trying to settle on the idea of friendship and nothing more. She wanted Serena to be happy and she strongly doubted that she was the one who could offer her that now. She had to allow her to move on to find someone better who deserved her love, even though the the thought of seeing her with anyone else was almost impossible to bear.

Bernie was surprised therefore that they muddled through the day in something resembling the easy going way they had before. The only time Serena put any pressure on her was when she insisted that she ring her children before midday. Pushing her out into the garden with her phone and a packet of cigarettes she threatened to not let her back in until she had done. Even that had gone better than she anticipated, both of them a little emotional at having her back in one piece, but there had been none of the bitterness she had heard the last time. She made arrangements to see them next weekend and explained that she was staying with Serena for now and that she would let them know when she had moved back to her own place. Cameron’s reply had startled her.

“Don’t be in too much of a rush to get home madre, I know Serena is very happy to have you there. And I don’t think being on your own is a good plan right now.”

“You..you’ve spoken to Serena?”

Cameron chuckled.

“Of course I have! We both have. Serena set up a video call the day after you rang to say you were okay. She wanted us to meet in person but work and lectures meant it wasn’t possible so she arranged the next best thing. She seems lovely, and she helped us understand that what happened wasn’t your fault. That you were just doing what you’ve spent your life doing. Helping _anyone_ that needs your particular and amazing skills. I really think she might be a keeper mom.”

Bernie had hung up and stumbled back to the house in a daze. But it wasn’t until they were in bed again that evening that she managed to blurt out her thanks for Serena’s thoughtfulness.

Serena turned over to face her and rubbed her hand along Bernie’s arm.

“It was nothing… _really._ No more than you would have done for Elinor I’m sure.”

Bernie stared into those dark brown eyes and her heart skipped a beat at the compassion she saw there. Instinctively she moved forward and pressed a small kiss to Serena’s cheek.

“Nevertheless,” she muttered. “It was very kind of you.”

Serena held her gaze for another beat before turning back around and saying goodnight, fighting every muscle in her body not to pull Bernie into an embrace and kiss her senseless. She was rewarded by feeling Bernie shuffle a little closer to her, and although she didn’t exactly spoon her she rested closer than she had all day, giving Serena a surge of hope that they would get through this.

Over the next few days, Serena began to feel that Bernie was gradually letting down some more of the barriers she had set up to protect herself. There were little touches that she initiated, and brief kisses to her forehead or the corner of her mouth, and when sitting together on the sofa or when in bed she could feel Bernie actually relax against her. Small differences but ones that helped Serena believe that their relationship would survive.

Things came to a head on the day that Hanssen requested that Bernie come to Holby to speak with him about her future at the hospital. Serena found her pacing back and forth in the garden puffing away on a cigarette and called to her.

“Bernie? Are you okay?”

At first it seemed as if she was going to ignore her but as she swung around for her next circuit she caught the concern on Serena’s face and she let her shoulders slump as she made her way back into the house. Sitting down at the kitchen table she rubbed her hand over her face and through her hair as she explained about Hanssen wanting her to go and see him.

“Today?” Serena asked gently, and Bernie nodded. “You know if you’re not ready to talk about going back to work, he’ll understand. I could have a word with him if you want.”

A look of displeasure crossed Bernie’s face and her reply cut Serena to the quick.

“It might not seem it but I’m perfectly capable of handling my own affairs thank you. I see no reason for putting it off, he has a right to know what I’m thinking, but that doesn’t mean it will be easy. He might be going to tell me that the trust no longer require my services. So forgive me for being a little on edge.”

Serena swallowed the retort that perhaps she needed to know what Bernie was thinking as well, and trying to keep her voice neutral she merely asked if she would like a lift there. Bernie knew that Serena was unhappy but wasn’t able to deal with that right now and said, slightly more evenly, that yes, a lift would be a help but not to put herself out. Serena bit her lip at that and assured her she really didn’t mind, and when she pulled into her space in front of the hospital she was about to get out of the car as well when she felt Bernie’s hand on her arm.

“Unless you have a differnet reason for coming in, I’d rather do this on my own please.”

Seeing the frown on Serena’s face she loosened her grip and did her best to keep things amicable.

“I actually have a favour to ask of you. They notified me yesterday that the rest of my luggage has arrived and needs picking up, and I wondered if you would mind?”

“Will they let me collect it?” she asked and Bernie explained that she would forward the email she’d received to Serena’s phone which had all the details she should need.

“If they still refuse then give me a ring, I’ll keep my phone on vibrate just in case.”

Serena cleared her throat.

“What time do you think I need to get back here, any idea?”

Bernie shook her head.

“None, I’m afraid, and anyway I think I’d rather walk back. Give me time to process things.... sort out through my options.”

She took her hand from Serena’s arm and hesitated before placing a peck on Serena’s lips.

“I promise we'll discuss everything when I get back, but please don’t worry if I’m longer than you imagine. I might need to take a more circuitous route home.”

Bernie got out of the car and Serena took a few deep breaths before she felt calm enough to drive away. The only shred of comfort she had was hearing Bernie say ‘home’ rather than ‘yours’ but it still felt as if this was going to be a long day.

The trip to the airport to pick up Bernie’s case, ( _how does she fit 6 months of living into one case and a kitbag?)_ was as uneventful as Bernie had predicted and no more than two hours later she was pulling back onto her drive. She was disappointed but not surprised to find the house empty and set about making a lasagne for their meal later in an attempt to keep herself occupied. But 3pm came and went with no sign or word from her and she was at the point of ringing Hanssen to ask if she was still there or what time their meeting had finished when she heard a knock on the door. Rushing to open it she smiled in relief at the sight of Bernie standing there, even if she did look as if she’d been pulled through a hedge backwards.

“Do you mind if I just go and freshen up? Well, take a shower is what I really mean…I’ve been running.”

“Of course I don’t mind, and you don’t have to ask permission. Your case is up in the bedroom, if you need something fresh to put on.”

Bernie ducked her head in acknowledgment and started up the stairs. “Thank you.”

“I’ll put the coffee machine on,” Serena shouted after her, and on shaky legs she went to do just that, feeling anxious all over again and wondering how much more tension her body could take. It felt like she had been living on a knife edge for far too long. Bernie was as quick to shower and change as she always had been and they were soon sitting outside on the patio with two mugs and a plate of biscuits between them. Bernie crammed two or three into her mouth in between long swigs of coffee and then looked sheepishly at Serena.

“Sorry, I missed lunch.”

“Why doesn’t that surprise me,” Serena remarked dryly. When, after the coffee and biscuits were long gone, Bernie still hadn’t ventured any information on what had been the result of her meeting, Serena took the bull by the horns.

“Do you want to tell me what happened or do I have to engage in a game of twenty questions?”

Serena wasn’t angry, but she had bit her tongue so much this week trying to be supportive, not putting too much pressure on her partner, if that was even how Bernie still thought of her. Even she had her limits. Bernie’s eyes had widened slightly at her tone but knew that she couldn’t reproach Serena. She wanted to talk it over with her, to talk about so much of the stuff that was still hanging between them. but as always found it difficult to start. Looking down at her hands that were clasped in her lap she told Serena how Hanssen had welcomed her home and that as promised there was still a job available _if_ she wanted it. He had hinted at a new project that the board was considering, but there were other consultants he needed to speak to before he could give her any details. He did say however, that he was hopeful of it coming to fruition, and considered it would be a good fit for her, once again stressing _if_ she would still be around.

Serena felt relieved that things sounded positive and that Bernie was managing to recount the meeting in a sure, if quiet, voice. But it wasn’t long before the words began to waver and when she looked at her, there was a single tear rolling down her cheek.

“He was so..kind, Serena. He said he’d spoken to Ric and Sacha and they’d both agreed that they would be happy to have me back on Keller if his other plans didn’t work out. And it’s not as if Ric and I even get on that well, we clash all the time.”

She pulled herself together.

“I was a bit surprised when he didn’t say you as well, but perhaps he thought I’d take that as read.”

Serena felt a wave of annoyance wash over her.

“Well that’s more because he hasn’t bloody spoken to me!” She saw Bernie flinch and softened her tone. 

“Which is as you say, probably because he knows that there would never be any question of me not wanting you on AAU”. She reached out and took one of Bernie’s hands in her own. “I’ve missed you Bernie, professionally as well as personally.”

Bernie felt her self-control begin to slip as more tears rolled down her face.

“I don’t understand Serena, why are people being so _nice_ to me? I took myself back to the army to bolster my ego, nearly got myself blown up because of it, and by going I let my colleagues down, let Henrick down and my children. And you..I feel as though I let you down more than anyone, but just like the others you’ve not questioned or berated me for it. I don’t understand how everyone seems to be fine with it..with me.”

Serena moved even closer and tilted Bernie’s chin up to be sure she was listening.

“Because you are one of the most talented and fearless doctors that Holby have ever had. Anyone with half a brain can see that, even Ric. But far more importantly, the more they got to know you the easier they found it was to love you.”

Serena took a deep breath.

“And me… _I_ love you Bernie. I knew that when you went to Mogadishu. I’m sorry if that’s more than you can deal with right now but I can’t hold it in anymore. I don’t simply love you. I am _in_ love with you. Have been for ages.”

Bernie was staring at her, her lips moving as if she had something to say but no sound came out. Instead she surged forward and smashed her mouth against Serena’s, the shock and force of it taking Serena unawares and she fell back against the arm of the sofa. Bernie couldn’t control her headlong rush and she landed on top of Serena momentarily knocking the breath out of both them, making their mouths part company for a split second. When the kissing resumed it was still heated but less painful and Serena grasped the back of Bernie’s head to anchor her in position, delighting in the weight of Bernie’s body that was pinning her to the sofa.

After a minute or two their kisses became less frantic and a curious lethargy caused Serena to let her hands slide from Bernie’s head to her waist.

Bernie pushed herself up onto her hands and gazed in awe at the dishevelled creature below her, reminding her of the night she had left. She sat up carefully, pulling Serena with her and they stared at each other until they both started to smile.

“Well, I guess that’s answered a few questions for both of us,” Serena said, hoping her admission of love would allow Bernie to tell her the same. She would like it in actual words but was willing to settle for actions if she found that easier.

Bernie was still smiling, looking a little bashful.

“I find it almost unbelievable that you feel that way, but it makes me happier than I’ve been for quite a while. For nearly six months if I’m honest.” She stopped to run her fingers through Serena’s hair staring deep into her eyes. “Thinking about you was the only thing that got me through some days.”

Then her face darkened and her voice became quiet.

“Do you remember the day I operated on that boy, when I rang you. I felt as if I was going mad until I spoke to you.”

Serena had watched Bernie’s expression change in the blink of an eye and her mind flew back to that night which had revealed a side to Bernie that she had never seen or heard before, she had been miserable, but worse than that, she’d sounded defeated. It dawned on Serena that from that day she had felt as if Bernie had been pulling away from her, as if she couldn’t manage to hold these two parts of her life in her head at the same time.

“Everything started to fall apart after that didn’t it?”

Serena felt scared about what she might dredge up but was equally frightened that if she didn’t help Bernie break through and confront her feelings then she would become distant and uncommunicative all over again.

“I know the broken bodies and death you had to deal with from the bombing must have been awful, but it was still all about the anguish you felt about Taban… he got under your skin in a way I imagine no one else ever has. And once there he wouldn’t go away, so leaving him to come back here has been tearing you apart...”

Bernie nodded sadly and Serena could finally see the pain in her eyes. She pulled Bernie a little closer until their foreheads were touching.

“So what shall we do to help him?”

Bernie jerked backwards to stare at Serena, puzzlement written all over her face.

“What do you mean?”

Serena almost clapped her hands in delight, because although she was far more ruled by her emotions than Bernie, she also had a logical businesslike brain which helped her channel her feelings into practical actions. She might not quite compare to a big macho army medic, but she was an excellent problem solver.

“If he’s still under the care of the hospital, how about if you get in touch with them and discuss how we can continue to support him. Firstly there might be ways to find out if there are any family members who could help him. Perhaps we could sponsor him in some way so he can train properly for a trade, and guarantee he gets some education to help him achieve that. Sort of fostering..by proxy. If there is no family to speak of then ask them to find someone decent who would take him into their home, or more specifically contact one of the aid agencies that already exist to help children like him. Provide him with a small wage so he can pay his way until he’s learnt enough for him to find a job, or provide whoever takes him in with money to pay for food and lodging. Or..or pay for him to stay at a hostel. There must be lots of charities who know more about it than I do, but there has to be _something_ we can do to improve his lot in life.”

As she listened to Serena’s excited ramblings Bernie felt as if huge weight had started to lift from her shoulders. She had left some money at the hospital with people she trusted, to ensure that he wouldn’t be discharged before he was well enough in body and mind to cope with life outside. She had been too run down by everything that had happened since to know what else to do, yet Serena’s ideas were offering a whole future for him, and tears started to fall once again.

“That sounds brilliant,” she managed to choke out, “you’re brilliant. But you’ve got one fact wrong…he’s not the only who has got under my skin.”

Her eyes shining she nuzzled close to Serena and kissed her gently.

“Why did you not tell me what was going on in there?” Serena said as she tapped her knuckles gently on the top of Bernie’s head.

Bernie’s lip trembled and she gave a slight shrug.

“I didn’t want you to think..that I wished I’d not come back. Because I did want to Serena, more than anything, but I couldn’t seem to sort in out in my mind.”

Taking a deep breath Serena wiped Bernie’s cheeks with her hands and stood up, holding out her hand for Bernie to stand as well.

“Well, if you really mean that, then I think it’s time for me to ask you a favour.”

Bernie cocked her head to one side as Serena led her out of the room.

“Do you think you could possibly put all of those worries out of your mind for tonight and think back to what we were doing on that sofa about ten minutes ago?”

Bernie felt herself grow warm all over and knew her face had gone red.

“Possibly.”

“Good, because unless you can give me a reason why not, I want you, Berenice in my bed, and not just to sleep. I rather think, after my declaration of love, that I’ve earned a reward _._ ”

She raised an eyebrow challengingly and Bernie could only nod as for the first time in days and weeks she felt tendrils of desire begin to stir.

Once in Serena’s bedroom they kissed for quite a while, Bernie leaning against the wall with Serena’s hands resting there too, either side of her head. Their bodies were barely touching apart from where soft and sensual lips were exploring each other gently, until a low moan from Bernie made Serena pull back, a merriment dancing in her eyes.

“Good to know that after months apart, I still have it.”

She moved further away and pushed Bernie towards the en-suite, telling her to get ready for bed, but _not_ to get undressed and she headed to the bathroom to do the same. When she returned Bernie was standing by the window looking out over the garden. Serena moved across to switch on the bedside lamp and asked Bernie to close the curtains. They gravitated back into each other’s arms and the kissing resumed, a little more urgent than before but still very tender, and they both began to undress the other. Buttons were carefully undone, soft sweatshirts and vests were pulled over heads, trousers were stepped out of, until at last they were pressed against each other in only their underwear. Simultaneously they reached to undo and drop to the floor their own bras and for a moment Bernie had to squeeze her eyes shut as the sight of Serena’s breasts after so long made her knees feel weak. She quickly divested herself of her own knickers but grasped Serena’s wrist to prevent her from doing the same.

“Let me,” she whispered and running her hands down Serena’s sides she hooked her thumbs into Serena’s very pretty lace knickers and began to slowly tug them down. Serena gasped when she felt Bernie slide them over her hips and as she dropped to her knees in order to place gentle kisses over her stomach, Serena had to grasp her shoulders to keep herself upright.

Bernie paused at the apex of Serena’s thighs and pressed a kiss into the curls there. She felt Serena shiver involuntarily and smiled as she pushed the pants the rest of the way down her legs and off. Serena thought she might pass out as she felt Bernie tug her feet slightly apart and groaned as those long fingers slid up first one leg and then the other. Serena had closed her eyes when Bernie’s hands had travelled up towards her core in anticipation, but when, after a few seconds nothing more occurred she opened them and saw Bernie standing, only millimetres away from her smiling shyly. Serena couldn’t stifle a growl as she pulled Bernie in, wallowing in the sheer delight of having her naked in her arms and the feeling of her body pushing against her own. She had wanted this ever since meeting her at the airport seven days ago. Their mouths once again sought each other but their nakedness seemed to create a passionate intensity that hadn’t been there before and each time that their lips parted to take in much needed oxygen Bernie began to manoeuvre Serena back and then down onto the bed.

The kissing still didn’t stop although it was becoming rapidly interspersed with suckles and nips along collarbones and necks. They were rolling from side to side as they both tried to gain the upper hand by pinning the other to the mattress, but the gratification they received as their bodies slid together meant that neither was putting as much effort into it as they could. Then as one turn had Serena flat on her back, Bernie pushed her thigh roughly between her legs making Serena gasp loudly as the pressure on her clit flooded her brain with pleasure. Keeping her leg where it was Bernie raised herself onto her hands to hover over Serena, waiting. As the initial pulse of pleasure subsided Serena opened her eyes to see Bernie gazing down on her.

“Dirty tactics Major,” she said breathlessly and she tensed in anticipation of trying to flip Bernie again.

“Serena.”

Bernie whispered and Serena felt her body relax as she relished the way her name sounded on Bernie’s lips.

“Please,” Bernie pleaded, “please, let me?”

Serena’s eyes flickered her agreement, and gave a small moan as Bernie removed her leg from between Serena’s two so that she could straddle her.

“Patience, I promise I’ll make you feel much better soon.”

Bernie started to work her way down Serena’s body, one of her hands cupping her face as she pressed little open mouthed kisses to her neck and sternum. Serena was watching her through hooded eyes, thrills running down her spine as she waited for those soft lips to close over a nipple, which when it happened made her arch so strongly that she nearly tipped Bernie off to the side. Recovering her balance Bernie could scarcely contain her chuckle as she resumed sucking and nipping at each breast in turn. Serena couldn’t keep still, her hips twitching as the throbbing between her legs grew, and eventually Bernie anchored both her hands around Serena’s waist and sat up with a soppy grin on her face.

“Darling, I’m glad that you’re enjoying this so much, but I’m beginning to feel like I’m riding a bucking bronco.”

Serena blushed and gave an exasperated sigh.

“In case you’ve forgotten Ms Wolfe, it’s been a while since we’ve done this and desperate doesn’t quite cover it. I would have thought you’d understand.”

Bernie was about to apologise when Serena brought a hand swiftly up from the mattress and pushed it firmly between Bernie’s legs where they were spread over her hips. The base of her thumb pushed hard against Bernie’s clit and her fingers could already feel the wetness of her arousal seeping through her outer lips. The high pitched moan that escaped Bernie, now had Serena smiling.

“Feels like I’m not the only one who is ready for a more direct approach,” Serena said smugly, making sure she as dragged her hand away that she applied a goodly amount of pressure as she did. After another shuddering sigh Bernie regained a little composure and with a murmured a ‘okay’ she slid further down the bed, forcing Serena’s legs apart so that she could lie inside them.

Serena tensed in anticipation of Bernie’s next move and she didn’t have long to wait. Bernie tugged at the wiry curls on Serena’s mound already seeing little pearls of moisture further down between her legs. She looked up towards her face and was distracted for a moment by the deep rise and fall of Serena’s wonderful chest, and then saw her eyes were squeezed shut and lips were parted. She smiled as she pressed a kiss to her labia inhaling the scent of Serena’s arousal, gently pushing a finger through her folds to slip straight inside her. She could already feel Serena quivering and placed her other hand flat onto her belly to try to keep her steady, but as she drew her tongue from her buried finger up towards her clit she had fight to keep her balance again as Serena’s hips bucked upwards.

Serena was seeing stars as Bernie’s tongue continued to circle around her clit, occasionally flicking the very tip against it, and when she pushed a second finger inside her and began to thrust in and out she grabbed handfuls of the sheet beneath her as she tried to delay the inevitable for as long as she could. But seconds later her head was forced back into the pillows as her legs stiffened and her back arched with the intensity of her orgasm. She was scarcely aware of Bernie removing her fingers and then crawling back up the bed to lie next to her, smoothing her hair away from her face as she watched the tremors still rippling across her stomach.

Gradually Serena came back to earth and as she opened her eyes to see Bernie scrutinising her face, she blushed at the knowledge that she had climaxed so quickly. She opened her mouth to apologise but Bernie kissed her, long and slow, and when she pulled away Serena felt as if she had forgotten her name, let alone what she had been about to say.

“That was beautiful,” Bernie murmured close to her ear. “You…you are beautiful, no…you are glorious. I love you.”

They gazed at each other, lost in wonder and then Serena put her arms around Bernie and buried her face into her neck. Bernie reached down for the duvet to cover them and they lay still, cocooned in the warmth for a few minutes, and then Serena’s arm that had pulled them so close started to move down Bernie’s spine until her hand was pulling and stroking the cheeks of her arse.

Bernie stirred.

“There’s no need, my love. Truly.”

Serena pushed herself up onto her forearm and looked down at her partner, her fingers still digging into her buttock.

“Are you saying that simply watching me climax was _that_ enjoyable?”

Bernie nodded enthusiastically.

“In that case, why would you want to deny me that pleasure? Nothing fancy or drawn out I promise, I’ve dreamt of watching you come for far too long, don’t make me wait any longer. I need this.”

She moved her hand from Bernie’s firm butt cheek so she could push her flat onto the mattress. At the same time she kissed her open-mouthed, her tongue darting in and out dancing across her lips and teeth to entice Bernie to respond. Her hand now smoothed over Bernie’s breasts, pausing briefly to tweak each nipple making Bernie pull away from her lips to groan with desire. But Serena was a woman on a mission and nothing was going to stop her heading for her goal, her fingers raking across her stomach watching excitedly as Bernie bent her knees allowing her legs to fall apart in readiness. In comparison to Bernie’s gentle teasing approach, Serena was verging on rough as she pushed two fingers through her outer labia to be met with such wetness that she plunged them straight inside. Bernie’s gasp made Serena smile and as their lips parted again so that Bernie could take in much needed oxygen, Serena kept her eyes on her face, her fingers beginning to work in earnest, pumping in and out with an energy she wouldn’t have thought possible given how spent she had felt only minutes before. She watched Bernie’s eyes close, screwed tightly in concentration as her thrusts became stronger and faster, making Bernie’s head move up and down on the pillow, her mouth open in a silent scream. Bernie started to push strongly against her lover’s hand as she felt herself hurtling towards her climax. The duvet had long since fallen to the floor and with Serena’s fingers curling inside her, Bernie spread her legs as wide as she could so that the base of Serena’s hand would strike against her clit with every drive upwards. She teetered on the edge for a few more seconds and then her orgasm hit, robbing her of any control over the spasms that were racking her body. When her brain finally cleared her first thought was that she couldn’t remember ever having been fucked quite so forcefully before and how good it had felt.

Serena had looked on in awe as Bernie’s whole body twitched and trembled, her now aching hand still cupping Bernie’s sex as she gently withdrew her fingers and slowly brought them up to her mouth so that she could smell and taste her. She closed her eyes as she did, to hold onto the image of Bernie shaking in ecstasy, and when she re-opened them she saw Bernie smiling lovingly at her.

She lay down putting her head onto the same pillow and smiled back.

“Now try telling me you didn’t need that just as much as I did,” she said with a smirk.

Bernie gave a short explosive laugh.

“I’m admitting nothing,” she replied. “But that was definitely something…..quite special .”

They lay there for a while exchanging small kisses and nose rubs, until Serena saw Bernie shiver involuntarily that had nothing to do with the aftershocks.

She moved away to reach over the side of the bed and retrieve the duvet, carefully smoothing it out to cover them completely.

“Turn around?” Bernie asked and as Serena complied she snuggled up behind her and draped an arm around her waist. Serena relaxed against her and sighed gently with relief. They knew that things weren’t going to be as easy as it felt right now, but the first step had been made and they were both excited to see where their journey together would lead.


End file.
